"Mad with poetry
I stride like Chikusai
Into the wind." -Basho
When I imagine freedom, I picture myself with nothing. Every meaningless thing left behind me. Every useless bond broken.
I would gladly turn my back on all that I am supposed to want, supposed to spend my life working for and trying to achieve. What about not wanting more? What about not defining ourselves or attempting to define others? What about smashing the boxes we try to put each other in? Letting go of our need to neatly label people? What about seeking God with all of our hearts and all of our souls? I picture standing on the top of some great hill and waving good bye. Good bye with a light heart. No, I won't be a part of your world. No, matching dishes and matching towels and a life that is a shadow of what it should be just doesn't interest me. I will have no part of it.
I want to be where there is nothing but sky and land and the wind in my face and blood pulsing in my veins.
Where all around me is vital and drunk on pure freedom. Where my love, my family, my faith find their true home. Anywhere. Everywhere. That the heart is. Where nature sings in my ears and God whispers to my heart. Where the first white crocus of spring is a miracle. And the air I breathe is a miracle. And the heart that beats with life within me is a miracle. And the sharp blue of the sky. And the cat lying lazy and content in the sunshine. If these things are miracles then how much more so are the gifts of my husband, my son, my family, of life? Why would I ever choose the shadow of existence over the vibrancy of love? The cynicism of the world over the joy of the Lord? Anxiety and fear over trust, peace, and a smiling face? Drowning in a sea of materialism over the freedom of giving, grace, and needing little? It all comes down to this, to freedom, in the end.
I would also cast off the expectations, opinions, words of others. The disapproval. The heavy burdens that people try to place on another's shoulders through their own fears and limitations. Yes I would gladly say good bye to caring whether somebody thought the way I lived my life met with their approval or not. It isn't up for discussion. This life of mine. My way of living. My life is a gift. A journey. I have no one to answer to but my Creator.
No matter what the circumstances of my life, it is freedom I live and breathe. It is in knowing success and failure and the way I measure the two.
