Blogging: Succeeding At The Things That Don't Matter

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't matter.”  - Francis Chan

I first started blogging in 2007 when my husband and I first decided to adopt.  I began a blog called "Carpe Diem, Gorgeous!" and simply wrote. That was really all I did with the blog.  I didn't worry much about stats aside from thinking it was great fun to see the various countries those who visited it came from.  I didn't spend time on blog promotion groups, I don't even think they existed then.  I may have occasionally shared a post to my personal Facebook page but rarely.  Getting things shared on social media wasn't yet a "thing".  I never heard someone mention "going viral" or having that as a goal.  I never heard of blogging goals at all.  I never thought about my blog "making it big".  In fact, the main reason I stopped blogging at Carpe Diem was because I felt I had too many readers (in reality, not a huge amount!) and I didn't want it to become more about the readers than about the actual writing.  This isn't vanity speaking, this stems from the fact that although I love writing and publish many personal things, I also have a deep, contradictory need for privacy.  

Looking back, I think that we had more fun blogging then.  Blogging was more relaxed.  Many wrote simply for the pleasure of writing.  This can be argued of course since it is only a personal opinion but it's how it felt.  We all connected then through browsing and truly enjoying other's blogs, commenting and building strong relationships.  After a couple years of blogging, I had a good readership and a strong, close group of people that I interacted with (and interact with still in may cases) and many of those people became friends.  

I took a break from blogging (not writing) for several years and came back to discover blogging is business now.  Blogging is serious and competitive.  Blogging is less than ever about personal interaction and more about numbers of followers on social media.  Much (not all) content has become quite bland or on the contrary, purposely controversial.  Less about actual writing and more about succeeding at blogging itself.  I find that I have trouble making myself care about all these things blogging is now supposed to be.  I just want an emotional and creative outlet.

I care about writing and authenticity.  I care about reading what other people are genuinely concerned about or what touches their hearts.  I care about beautiful, interesting, clever, creative writing.  I care about the people behind the words.  I care about interaction and sharing.  I care about reaching people.

I like to write serious things and I like to have fun with writing.  I like a little, unprofessional, non- trendy blog.

The articles I send out into the world for publication are one thing.  I write them because I want people to share and read them.  What I write here is different. Sometimes I want to write things here that are more private, that I don't want to be shared many times or seen by many people. Things that are just for me.  

In the end, people may like or dislike what I write but I am the one who knows whether I am satisfied with what I have written.  That knowledge has to come from inside myself.  

Writers need to have a combination of assurance and uncertainty to maintain authenticity and vulnerability.  Blogging is one thing.  Writing another.  And sometimes, people manage to combine the two.        

Happy writing!  I'm still having fun!:)

A World Swept Clean

Swept clean.  A world swept clean.  A heart swept clean.  A life swept clean...
Even a clean page is delightful thing.

I am beginning again because I want freshness in my mind.  I want my mind untroubled and unclouded by things that have gone before and since been put away.  Necessary things yes.  Pain as a process is a necessary thing, a teaching thing.  Quite exquisite really.  What we become afterward.
I have found myself very burdened however by my previous blog.  I believe it has run its course and served its purpose and now is only clinging to me in a sort of grasping, possessive way.  I am thankful for it.  But I want to say good bye to it now.

I am no longer there anymore, in spirit or actuality.  I recognize that voice, that woman.  She is of course me, not falsely me or pretending to be me, but me as I was then and perhaps in many ways still am now.  Although now, I want to let that all go.  Take from what I've experienced what I need and drop the heaviness of that load of hurt that accompanied it.

I know there are changes I have to make in my life.  Some are simple, physical changes and yet are not always simple to instigate.  Some are more complex and involve more growth, more stretching of the spirit, mind, and heart.   Some habits that should be put away and some new ones created, some of my words should be held back and not spoken and some words that do need to be spoken should be.  It's easy to speak of being more honest and difficult to decide in actuality what true, gentle honesty looks like in practice. Does it look like courage?  Does it look like genuineness?  What is it really?  And kindness, what does that look like in practice?  I have come to think that honesty and kindness go hand in hand.  Kindness isn't simply a bland niceness o general agreeableness, it can mean binging up something uncomfortable and difficult because ignoring it is not genuine kindness. 

The following really spoke to me: (I'm sorry I don't know its source.)

Sometimes honest confession can seem astonishing, impossible, and dangerous. Because we have learned silence so well, we experience honesty as full of risk. After all, if we are honest, then other people will know what we think and feel. We will be exposed. The appearance of strength and competence we work so hard to cultivate will have to share the stage with our weaknesses, our failings, our sins.
When we practice honesty as a daily discipline, however, something happens to us. The promise of this text begins gradually to grow in our lives. We begin to heal. It is not a dramatic, once-for-all-time, quick-fix kind of healing. Nor is it a private healing, a healing that happens only 'inside' our heads or in secret with God.
Honesty leads to healing because people can now express their love for us in practical ways. Honesty leads to healing because we no longer have to pay the high tariffs that pretense demands. We heal because the experience of acceptance counteracts the contempt we so easily heap on ourselves. We heal because we are no longer alone. We heal because we are known and loved.
Honesty is a discipline with a promise. We will be healed.

So I am not sure where this fresh start will lead. How I will write here.  I only feel as though I want to be genuine here.  Write for myself.  As though no one at all would read it.  What might I say then?  Who might I be?